Yesterday something amazing happened to me. I realised my friends know me better than I know myself. I know this sounds cheesy, but it has taken me a whole 22 years to realise and I'm so glad I have.
This week hasn't been a good one for me, excepting my birthday, and I've spent a lot of time thinking things through, when I was doing my head in I decided to post a needy tweet. Normally I'm not one for needy tweets, but that's a sign of how bad things were. No one was in the office to take my mind off things and I was effectively sat, staring out the window and freaking out; 'WHAT AM I DOING IN LONDON?! WHO AM I?! WHEN WILL I START TO FEEL GROWN UP?!' My worries were cut short by a tweet and text from my two friends, and I realised I needed to get everything off my chest and do an 'emotional dump' on them. I'm a massive believer in sharing problems so I organised times to talk with both. As I was explaining what a mess I was in, my friends agreed, supported me, told me exactly how I was feeling and why, told me they knew this would happen and vowed to be there for me. Halfway through my conversation with them I told them off for not telling me what was going to happen/how I was going to feel before I got to this point. They both pretty much told me they had, over and over, and yet I had ignored them and gone on my merry way.
I have never been a big one for friends, don't get me wrong, I'm not some kind of loner who prefers to speak to dolls than real people and goes home to chat on forums. I just never felt that I needed friends that much, for 18 years of my life I was single, not happily single, you never are at 16-18, but I knew I could cry if things got too much and I could talk my way out of worry with my mum. I've always had small groups of friends, my best friends from home are those I've known for years, and I only have about 3. I went to uni and made some excellent friends, like top notch. I also had Lee, so I only went to my friends for advice about Lee, I had him for everything else.
Instead of stewing in my own worry, or trying to put it all on Lee and him telling me it will all work out (which is nice, but I'm a firm and fair kind of girl) I am going to turn to my friends, because after all, that is what they're there for.