Monday, 7 January 2013

Today You Are You

Whenever I stop blogging it is because real life has got in the way. I don't have the patience or energy to blog or I have 100 other things on my mind. As you can tell from my sporadic bloggnig style this happens a fair amount.

In the last quarter of the year I fell out with a friend, someone I naively thought would be one of my closest friends for a long, long time. Due to circumstances we have had a clean break. I say clean, we work in the same building, he is in my friendship group, my housemate sees him  fairly often. What with living in a new city and working in a new-ish job, I began to feel a bit crappy. Friends offered up clich├ęs, Lee offered a shoulder to cry on and colleagues provided a willing audience for the latest development. In the end it was a pathetic ending to what I now see was a dysfunctional friendship.

The point of this post isn't sympathy, it is to tell you what I've learnt and no one can say it better than Dr Seuss:

Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.

After weeks of being pretty terrible company, coming in with drama after drama for my colleagues, trying to rose tint our friendship and all the good times, I came to the conclusion that this is it. It's over. I did my part, he did his. Ask us and we'll blame each other, but what is the point? I'm still me, our mutual friends are still my friends, ensuring they stay that way is the easy part. 

Worrying, reminiscing and moping doesn't help anyone. You will always be who you are, we're all going to trip up and make mistakes, things will end but other opportunities and experiences will open themselves up to you. 

Wallow in self pity if you must, but only for a short time. You're not moving forward if you're sat there weeping to Mumford & Sons. Self pity will only push those who are trying to help away, people's patience will only last so long.

Use the time to remember what you do have, say "yes" to anything you think will help. Remove moments of doubt and grab opportunities as they hit you. I've made so many more work friends, I've gone on far more nights out, and although they don't know it, Lee's friends have helped me settle in and remind me that friendship is easy to create if you just be yourself. 

Finally, don't compromise who you are. Own up to mistakes and apologise if you've hurt people, but try as you might you won't be able to change your past actions, change your attitude instead. Embrace it as a lesson learnt and embrace being you. 

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again


  1. I love this post! You're so right about wallowing, there's only so much you can do before you hit a point of sanity and realise you need to shake it off and get on with new things. It sounds like (cliche alert!) you're going to be much better off without this person knocking around anyway. Also, no one does worldly wisdom like Dr Seuss :)

  2. I know what this is like but it's great to look back and see where you are and how much better you become because of it.x

  3. This is such a brilliant post Becca, I often find myself dwelling on things that I don't think I've done or handled as well as I could have and I get so annoyed with myself for it! I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through; I've had several problems with friends over the past couple of years, mainly due to us growing up and realising we don't have anything in common, and I've learnt to just accept when a friendship comes to an end but it's an extremely difficult and upsetting thing to go through. I'm so pleased to hear you've made some new friends and been enjoying nights out :) <3
    Love Holly x

  4. Definitely true. I always wallow, and look back and wonder where it got me- nowhere! It is hard to put a friendship to bed, but over time it does get easier. xxx

  5. 'I'll find strength in pain' is kind of my motto at the moment... Easier said than done but you'll get there lovely xx

  6. Great post Becca and I love the Dr Seuss quote! I am a major worrier and 'dweller' - going over every detail and possibility rather than moving on/making the most of what I have.

    So sorry to hear what you've been going through with your friend but I'm glad to hear you've made some new friends and had a good support system to help you through.


  7. Nice post Becca, I like the quote! ... Hope your well :) xx

  8. I like the saying "people come into our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime" and sometimes I think we need to remember that whenever a relationship of any sort breaks down. We have learnt something from that experience with that person and we should try and remember that and not wallow in, you have obviously succeeded with this Becca and that is sound advice you have given to the rest of us.

  9. I love to read posts like this, it gives a real insight into a blogger's personality and reminds me that we're all alike and deal with the same crap. Hope you're feeling better with Eli from the great doctor xx

  10. What an awesome, honest post. I'm so sorry you lost a friend, but your attitude is amazing xx

  11. Oh darling, such a difficult thing. Bravo to you for dealing with it so remarkably! xx

  12. I'm sorry that you and your friend have parted ways but by the sound of it, it wasn't really working for either of you anymore. All I can say is people change, things go wrong but always remember that life goes on :)

  13. Ah such a shame! I'm sorry you'd been having a bit of a crappy time; it's awful when you think someone's going to be in your life for the long haul and things fall apart. I know exactly how that feels! Could not agree with your post more though; every moment of pain is a valuable lesson! Xx


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